Diplomatic Love in Warsaw

For two days during our LGBTI meeting in cold and rainy Warsaw, I was trying to figure out why the Chilean ambassador was in attendance. He rsvp’d a week before and Kerry (my colleague) and I were confused because it was a “working level” government meeting. We quickly scrambled to add him to the opening ceremony.

He arrived with a member of his staff and his teenage son, who appeared to be around 15. The ambassador gave his brief opening remarks, which were rather unremarkable. I had expected a fiery and dynamic human rights speech from a forceful character. Instead, a diminutive man with silver hair and a dapper mustache quietly said all the right things in a more stilted than eloquent speech.

We did not hear from him again until the end of the second day. But he sat through the entire session. He was not on his phone and took only one phone call, which is unheard of for an ambassador. He did not ask questions and his son had an attentive if slightly bored expression throughout.

At the end of day 2, the ambassador stood up from his chair and thanked us. He issued a call for Poland-based members of the group to continue to convene and dialogue around LGBTI issues. Amazing! We have got this diplomat!

At dinner that night I asked Kerry why he thought the ambassador stayed. He told me it was because his son is transitioning to a boy. The ambassador spent two days deeply engaged in LGBTI foreign policy for the love of his son. Kerry, who is a transgender man, was told this by the ambassador during a coffee break. There was visible relief and joy on his face when Kerry told him he was trans. Kerry and the boy had a long and hopeful chat. Kerry offered advice he wished he had when he was this boy’s age: take your time, reach out any time, you are not alone, it gets better.

The ambassador confided that his wife was not handling the news well. She refused to spend much time in Poland and instead stayed mostly in Chile. And so, this quiet, dignified diplomat who has an official role sitting atop a known machismo culture had taken the lead in loving his son for who he is. He is using his power to edify this love and support.

As Kerry retold this backstory, tears sprung to my eyes. I realized I had been witness to a parent’s purest and most unconditional love for his child through the quiet diplomacy of this wonderful man.