It's 2017 and gender inequality is still a thing

If the Matrix can be a bad thing, then let me describe seeing gender equality as seeing the Matrix. I can’t un-see it and it’s driving me insane. My job is literally to see, understand and address gender inequality and I hate it. At least, I hate the part where I have to be the gender police. “It’s 2016,” I said, “how is gender inequality still a thing?”

In 2017, that doesn’t quite ring true or with the same level of exasperation and condemnation. It’s more like, “it’s 2017, how can gender inequality still be a thing? Oh. That’s how.”

On Wednesday, International Women’s Day, I went to a protest at the White House on the global gag order. This is yet another policy-driven effort to dismantle gender equality. The global gag order places a cease and desist on US funding for organizations working internationally who offer abortions as part of their reproductive health programming.

I met a group of women from my office and we set out, bedecked in various shades and accents of red. We were buoyant as we set out toward Freedom Plaza. When we arrived, we were pleased to see a whole lot of women (and men) gathering. We were immediately handed signs and got quite good at “getting in formation” for photos. It was a great morning and I was filled with a sense of pride and purpose. As a friend said, “it’s good to get off the internet!” Indeed.

Back to the gender inequality Matrix.

I struggle with this mostly at work, partially because it’s my job and partially because I feel that, ironically, I am a victim of many of the ways in which women are treated like crap in the workplace. My expertise is constantly being dismissed as common sense or less technical than other areas of the work we do. This is done subtly of course, like, “oh, Jessica, we wanted you to know that our team put together a gender manual.” Or “oh, they didn’t contact you about that?” Or, “oh, well so and so is coming for another reason so he could address that issue as well.”

Manual based on what methodology?

No, I wasn’t contacted.

If I visit, should I now offer my entirely uninformed opinion about electronic results transmission? No? Oh, right.

I am pigeon-holed in my one area of (questionable) expertise as if my brain couldn’t possibly be of use in other areas of our work. “Sorry I didn’t copy you on that.” Sorry for the 100^th time? I pride myself in prioritizing collaboration in my approach, which many of my colleagues can attest to. However, I have a colleague who has been trampling my space with his own ideas or sabotaging and undercutting my work when something I have created is really working or successful. He is a bully and I don’t use that term cavalierly. In just one of many examples, he wrote to senior staff the day after a recent paper of mine was published to question the organizational vetting process for publishing papers. Coincidence? I don’t think so.

I’m expected to make contributions at a senior level, but am not given a title that reflects that supposed seniority. Among other achievements, I hosted a series of events on Capitol Hill last year that literally a 1,000 people attended. A 1,000! Every time I ask about my title (which has been multiple times over multiple years), I’m given evasive, dismissive and downright lame excuses for my place within the organization and once again underestimating (not caring about) the technical capabilities needed to perform my job. This leaves me with the constant feeling that rather than an asset, I’m a pain in the ass. The very idea that I even have to write this…for what? Validation? The other day I was sitting in a meeting and wrote these words in my notebook: humiliation…disrespect…daily.

I read a statistic recently that said that when women speak 25% of the time in a group discussion it is perceived as equal in terms of participation. Anything above 25% is perceived as women dominating the conversation. I see this in how myself and other women in the organization are treated.

I’m called “passionate” a lot. And I am. But I’m also realizing this is code for many things actually: loud, opinionated, overstepping, destructive, etc. etc. Recently we nominated a bigoted jerk as head of our Board. This is not my opinion. This has been documented thoroughly by human rights organizations in the US and confirmed by his own asinine and hateful public ramblings. I led the crusade to speak truth to this guy and succeeded. Not in preventing him from his role, but at least in letting him know that we know that he’s a bigoted jerk. However, I also began to literally see my senior leadership cringe when I opened my mouth. I could see the thought bubbles above their heads, “Oh shit. Here comes Jessica again.” “What’s she going to say now?” “How am I going to deal with her?”

The words that I have spoken on this matter were delivered with extremely measured poise, accuracy and clarity. I did not call the guy a bigoted jerk at the office (this is my blog and I can do that). I spoke rather dispassionately and pointed to “evidence,” which I know is a critical tool when arguing human rights and inequality to those who are too privileged to see it otherwise. And yet, even though I didn’t do these things, I still got “the rep” if you will. I was becoming our own Norma Rae.

Uh, no thank you. Nothing wrong with Norma Rae, of course, but I wasn’t going to fall into yet another stereotypical gender trap. So, I muted myself. I took myself out of the debate, which was petering out anyway. I did this not because of the jerk himself, but because of how my so-called colleagues in agreement were treating me.

In previous years, I have referred to March 8^th as the “Gender Superbowl.” There’s a ton of action around Washington, DC. I’m also expected to lead our own work on the day, as well as the weeks before and after. This year I was disappointed the Day Without Women was on March 8^th. I wished it had been any other day in any other month, because I’m busy on March 8^th. I’m busy in March. It’s the one time of the year when we’re expected to be talking about gender. This strike took away from that in my opinion.

But I got over it quickly. I may not agree with the date, but I agree with the agenda. I believe in it, because I live and breathe gender inequality. And I’m sick of it. Getting out there and physically protesting felt damn good.

There is so much I face professionally that feels unfair as a woman. There is so much more that women face around the world that is far worse than my experience. This is the reason I must fight on. I write these words to remind myself of that. Nevertheless, I must persist!