La La La not listening

The other night I was out for drinks with some friends and the issue of Obama and elections came up. A clever and engaged bunch, we quickly launched into vehement agreements with each other about the state of politics, government shut downs and tea baggers. Shortly into the conversation I felt my chest constricting and my breathing become shallow and rapid. It felt like a mild panic attack. I abruptly interjected, “look, I’m just not ready to go there with politics yet.” Not accustomed to backing away from a political argument with people who all agree (my friends have perfected this at The Ear over the years), I was empathetic to the bewildered looks I received. One friend though immediately backed me on this. When I glanced over at him with relief, he seemed to be in a similar state of near panic.

As government shut down looms and as the anarchic tea bag brings the Republicans, the Government and America to its knees, I am getting real ostrich-like. Pundits bash the right for the all the reasons they should and they’re bashing Obama too. I read a great article on salon.com about how terribly Democrats treat their base and it’s true! They know they have us so they ignore us. I defend and defend moves by Obama. I’m not against compromise. I understood his move to cut a deal on the budget in December for example. While bashing Obama seems impossible, defending his moves doesn’t seem possible anymore either, so avoidance seems like the right move.

But then Guantanamo hit the airwaves and I think it’s my issue Achilles’ heel. I can’t take it that they’re going to try this guy under the cloak and dagger of military justice in a clandestine base far far away. Out of the numerous eroding promises, many so much more damaging to the US then this, the Guantanamo trial is apparently where my buck stops. Can you say it that way? Obama said he would solve Guantanamo, the most egregious, embarrassing and seeming no-brainer to fix campaign issue. I feel like banging my fists like a petulant child. I’m really really upset with the President over this.

So then I think back to this night at the bar and other moments when I diverted my attention from discussions about Obama’s shortcomings. My criticism of Guantanamo is a drop in the bucket compared to valid and serious criticisms percolating from Obama’s base. And then I realize why I’m so reticent to criticize him. It’s not just fear of letting the other side in. It’s more personal and extraordinary. It’s that I don’t think of Obama as just a politician. I look at him with L-O-V-E. He is my freaking hero, alongside Bono for goodness sake! When he became President, I got to love the US again and there was a guy I genuinely looked up to. Successful, smart, handsome, happily married, black…the perfect hero.

I suppose my bubble is bursting. He is not perfect. He is a politician. I should be able to intellectualize this from my bar stool. I’ll try I guess, for a President is not supposed to be a hero to be idolized. Bummer.