Top Ten Signs that I’m 6 and a half months Pregnant

1. The days of covering the bump with my husband’s winter coat are slipping away…real fast.
2. I curse at the pregnant Pilates instructor when she smiles at the camera, with her belly bigger than mine, and sweetly shouts, “Four more! And three and two and…” $$#@!!!
3. I shamelessly outmaneuver old ladies to get a seat on a rush hour metro
4. Wait, did I just waddle?
5. I announced I’m pregnant to someone at work who immediately gave me the “no shit Sherlock” expression.
6. I used this line with my all-male soccer mates: “Sorry dudes, can’t play pick up anymore...don’t want to harm the fetus!”
7. No pants Mondays! (and Tuesdays and Wednesdays, etc.)
8. At a recent bachelorette party, I was annoyed when my 9 months pregnant friend was still out at midnight, therefore trumping my “I need to go home early” pregnancy card.
9. When the President of my organization asked if people minded going a little long on a meeting, I replied with a similar tone of authority: “I need food. Now.”
10. Karate chops by my fetus interrupted my conversation with a Syrian feminist dissident