Expectations

The other day in my fancy hotel in tripoli I went down to the fancy spa and treated myself to a fancy pedicure. It cost about $40 but as we women all can do very well, I justified it based on the following reasons:

a.) need: the polish had chipped and it was therefore a necessity

b.) I need just a touch of pampering. A pedicure is really just a minor luxury. Right ladies? 

Well, it sucked. I should have clued in to the fact that it began with a makeshift footbath in the hallway. The cuticle removal process was more painful than usual. And then, to my surprise, despite the evidence of a nail file, exfoliating scrub and massage lotion, she went right into painting. Oh and the choices were red, redder, red and palest pink. 4 choices; three of which were the same color.

Sensing disaster, but in need of new polish, I let her do it. But then she wanted to do the rest of the pedicure. She wanted to massage and exfoliate and my nails were still wet. Oy. Without a common language I was forced to grunt and flee. Luckily the receptionist picked up on this and didn't charge me.

I was floored. This place looked super schmancy. But I realize I forgot one thing. I was in Tripoli. There is this weird veneer of elegance and, well, money. Underneath that, however, is pretty severe underdevelopment (and insecurity...) Of course I could point to my many discussions about politics and women's rights to make this point. Yet, this moment in the salon, while certainly not more poignant or complex, was perhaps more personal. I wanted to relax a bit and that was shattered by incommunicable incompetence.

Exhibit A: My gnarly foot made worse by coloring outside the lines and no filing.

Libyan Women's Rights

Today I listened to 25 Libyan women discuss women’s rights. There were some points that were non-negotiable. For example, there is no question that Sharia law will be the law of the government. We may debate this from the outside, but in this conference room, it was not debated by these women. 

The biggest consternation came on the topic of hijab – the head scarf and covering. Libya is certainly becoming more conservative. In many ways this is a reaction to the Gaddafi regime. Hijab was frowned upon if not sometimes forbidden. Therefore, several of the women linked hijab wearing to the revolution. They were now free to wear it!

Here are some of the comments:

“I don’t care if you wear hijab or not. It is your choice. I want to dress modest. But I will not wear the full covering some women wear.”

"It is clear in religion that we must wear hijab."

“Wearing Hijab is between me and Allah”

While I enjoyed the raucous debate, I didn’t feel I had a dog in this fight. For me, as long as someone isn’t telling me to wear it (ahem, Iran), I think women should be free to choose. I have nothing against women who choose to wear hijab.

However, I did drop my jaw at the suggestion that women support polygamy. Here’s the dilemma: polygamy is accepted in the Koran. Men can have four wives.

Judgy von judgenstein!

Ich don’t think so!

Shocking!

Furthermore, it turns out that the alarm I had been sounding from my last trip was misrepresented. I came back with the dramatic tale of the Prime Minister’s first official act. Despite all of the democracy building and security chaos, he passed a new law decreeing that men no longer need the permission of their wives to take another wife. Obviously, my Western, Judeo-Christian values reject that. But here’s where it gets complicated…

Apparently he did this because there was overwhelming support from men AND WOMEN. Indeed, an unmarried woman in Libya is dealt a pretty crappy hand. She cannot move around on her own or even open a bank account. In Libya, women need the permission of their husbands or fathers or, eek, brothers for many things. So my moral judgment is diluted by the reality for women here. Who am I to get on my high horse? I don’t have to face that reality!

The debates continue within Libya and between Libya and the region and Libya and the world about the rights of women. One thing I noticed though was that, although there may be some nuances about the exact rights to be included or excluded, there is a common conviction that women are equal to men and should be treated that way.

PS: Did you know that in Libya, men and women have equal pay?!!!

Women's Leadership Training - Libya

Yesterday, I gave part of my women’s leadership training to 20 women leaders in Tripoli. It was, as always, a fascinating day of conversation. I am always amazed at the strength of women. It emanates when they are gathered together. They come from a variety of backgrounds from across the country. Most wear hijab, but a few do not. Some are in their 50s and some are in their 20s. Some speak English, but most do not. All are pretty educated and passionate.

As we reviewed the basic definitions of sex and gender (“women have babies: biological fact, women must be the main caretakers of their families: socially assigned gender role), there was an immediate surge toward debating gender equality concerns. Many issues raised were the usual facts of gender discrimination: women work longer hours for little credit and men are the decision-makers. But a unique spin on the usual frustrations of gender inequality was the post-Arab Spring atmosphere. There has been some news that post-Arab Spring is not exactly the picture of democracy that the West was hoping for. Egypt is an obvious example, where Morsi continues to retract rights of everyone, especially in the public sphere.  The debate about women’s rights in Egypt is underscored by very public and verified physical and sexual assaults.

In Libya, while a majority of the post-Arab Spring’s spotlight is focused elsewhere, there has been a steady erosion of women’s rights and freedom. Women were active during the Revolution. For the first time in Libyan history, women were out on the streets, regularly protesting and fighting for their freedom. Now this space is shrinking. There are legitimate fears that a lack of centralized security makes it dangerous for women, so there is self-imposed restriction of movement. Few women travel on their own and especially at night. One woman told me, “I used to go out up until 11pm before the revolution, but I am on my own in Tripoli and now I try to be home by 7pm.”

There is also, however, a growing conservative movement, influenced brusquely by Salafist extremists, who have instigated tales of women being hassled when on their own, especially those who do not appear “Islamic” enough.

Perhaps less obviously but potentially more devastating is the systemic erosion of women’s rights that is happening in Libya. When the new government formed last year, one of the first official acts was to allow multiple wives for men. One would think that in the dawn of Libya’s democracy there would be priorities ahead of this.

It continues. 

Last week, a new law was passed to re-instate the High Electoral Commission in Libya. In the prior version there was a clause that stated that women must be present on the HNEC. That clause is absent for the law that just passed. Voila, the absence of women is now an institutional fact, or, more accurately, the presence of women is no longer required.

The energy of the women in the room is unbridled, but the space to channel this energy is closing. It is a race against time. Yet, much of the conversation is about what happened or the current state of things in Libya. Can these women look to the future? Can they pull together and plan an equality offense?

The role of the two week training is to empower women through skills building and networking. Today’s review and debate about equality will be followed by a comprehensive list of desired topics: leadership, communication, ethics, crisis management, advocacy, etc.

Along the way these skills will be greatly enhanced by the rich conversation, debate and experience of these 20 women.